If you asked me if Evan Longoria was still an active MLB player, I probably would have said no.
Evan Longoria still plays in the MLB. Which might be news to you considering it was certainly news to me.
The third baseman is in the midst of his 16th MLB season, playing for the Arizona Diamondbacks after spending the last five years with the San Francisco Giants.
I, admittedly, completely forgot Longoria signed a one-year deal with the Diamondbacks in January. Don’t judge me, I’ve been living in Europe all of 2023 so the idea of staying up late enough to watch the Diamondbacks, let alone memorize their bench players, is not always in the cards.
Then, Sunday night, I found myself scrolling through Facebook reels and I found something jarring that reminded me Longoria is, in fact, still an active MLB player. A video of Theo Von talking about Longoria’s bat that he gifted him when he threw out a first pitch in Arizona on May 1.
Theo Von has the weirdest idea for his new MLB bat
Asked what he was going to do with his new gift from Longoria, Von’s first thought wasn’t about framing it or putting it above a mantle. Nor was it about going to the park to get some BP in He has far more nefarious ideas in mind:
“Oh, I think the crazy thing would be if you… I don’t want to say [gestures with air quotes] killed somebody with this bat… but say something happened. You had to, you know, end somebody or finish somebody, right? This is a good weapon, yeah. And you could say he did it [gestures to Longoria’s name on the bat], you know, it’s almost like he’s there with you.”
You can imagine, this was a shocking way to be reminded Longoria still plays baseball while I was aiming to decompress on a Sunday.
Anyone who knows Von’s comedy and upbringing in rural Louisiana can’t be too shocked that his first thought line was about using his new gift as a weapon, but when I think of Evan Longoria, I think of baseball and people confusing him for Eva. Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate him being framed for murder because he gifted a bat.
Thankfully, this appears to be just a joke. But if Longoria’s bat is used for anything out of the ordinary anytime soon, we have our prime suspect.