MLB

Lenny Dykstra dumpster diving for dentures, parents brawl at little league, Jon Cena loses a bet

Parents brawl at a little league game, Jimmy Butler bringing the peace and Lenny Dykstra goes on a dumpster diving adventure for missing dentures.

Lenny Dykstra dumpster dives for dentures

Breaking: The internet is a crazy place. There are crazy stories every day, most of them about men in Florida, that it’s easy to get numb to the crazy. But there are some stories that are so crazy and so ridiculous and so absurd that it stops your endless Twitter scrolling. That’s what happened when I saw the story of former MLB star Lenny Dykstra who had a nine-hour dumpster diving mission to retrieve his $80,000 dentures outside a Jersey Mike’s.

“The bread is so hard on those subs,” Dykstra told NJ Advance Media. “I took my teeth out and put them in a napkin, folded it up and forget them there.”

Sidebar: How does one eat a sandwich without teeth?!

Anyway, Dykstra left Jersey Mike’s only to remember he didn’t have his $80,000 dentures made out of real bone marrow. How does one forget their teeth?! I don’t know. Hopefully, I’ll never know. But Dykstra returned to find the napkin his dentures were in were tossed in the garbage.

That meant Dykstra and his pal, a wrestler going by the name Sprinkles the Clown did some dumpster diving. NINE HOURS LATER they found the dentures.

“I was there for nine hours. I thought the cops were going to arrest me for trespassing,” Dykstra said. “I wasn’t leaving my teeth there in the dumpster. No way was I leaving them.”

Kids, let this be a lesson to always brush your teeth and floss regularly so you never have to do nine hours of dumpster diving to find your $80K dentures.

Parents brawl at youth baseball game over 13-year-old umpire’s call

If you’re ever attending a youth sporting event, it’s important to remember they’re just kids, the coaches are volunteers, officials are human, your kid won’t get a scholarship, and it’s just a game. But parents in Lakewood, CO. forgot about all that when a brawl broke out over a call made by a 13-year-old umpire in a game played between 7-year-old children.

Video of the melee shows one man in teal shorts sucker-punch a man in the head. Police are looking for him and assault charges await. Others were cited for fighting in public and disorderly conduct. In other words, they were fined for being dumbasses.

This reminds me of when I was in little league and two parents got into a fight. The two coaches were the dad of my younger brother’s best friend and the other was my cub scout leader. I remember one of the two (after going chest to chest with the other) saying, “You wanna take this out to the parking lot.” I was only 9-years-old when I knew I was smarter than most adults.

The $1 bet made by John Cena

John Cena made a $1 bet with Padres prospect Logan Allen that he wouldn’t make the majors. Cena is now $1 richer after attending Allen’s MLB debut on Wednesday. The story behind the bet shows Cena is a master at reverse psychology. After a long night at a steakhouse, Cena tried to introduce the concept of failure to Allen who Cena thought was a guy who had never failed before. Reverse psychology worked. Allen was ranked as the Padres No. 7 prospect, but he’s Cena’s No. 1 fan.

Jimmy Butler: Peacemaker?

The Rockets are reportedly interested in signing Jimmy Butler. The Rockets reportedly also have a disgruntled Chris Paul trying to force a trade because of irreconcilable differences between him and James Harden. Because nothing says peace and harmony in the locker room by bringing in Jimmy Buckets.

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