How long before the Yankees give this 9-year-old switch hitter a contract?

It’s only a matter of time before MLB scouts are camping out in her front yard.

Ever wonder what it feels like to have a 9-year-old make you question everything you’ve ever done in life?

No matter what your answer is, it’s time to meet Ashlynn Jolicoeur.

In this modern Major League Baseball epoch, you’ve got to do every last thing to squeeze that extra inch ahead of the competition. Scouting is truly a global enterprise; gone are the days in which you could send some hump to the Cape Cod League and call it a day (while trying to forget that the Freddie Prinze Jr. vehicle Summer Catch ever happened).

With this in mind, I submit this APB to every professional baseball scout from Busan to Boston: Draw up a contract for lil’ Ashlynn Jolicoeur, who at nine years of age is already cracking extra-basers from both sides of the plate.

So, what have you done with your life?

Ms. Jolicoeur, a Blue Jays fan from Whitney, Ontario, was already very much a viral sensation for her highlight reel defensive plays. But she doesn’t just lay out to make theatrical catches that would get Andruw Jones to don a fake mustache and get back into the game — she whacks that ball around with an embrace of both-sides-ism that would make even the New York Times editorial page blush.

Someone get this over to Brian Cashman, the Yankees just found their solution to who should hit cleanup. All roads historically lead through the Bronx, especially with the type of hitting prowess on display here. Reboots are all the rage, so imagine a new Murder’s Row of Judge, Stanton, and Jolicouer — in the ’20s, no less.

If you’re a self-respecting baseball franchise, it’s time to hurry up and get this young lass on the payroll before the New York Yankees do. What are you waiting for? Sneaky value doesn’t stay sneaky forever.

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