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Gerardo Parra may have left Washington, but the evil scourge of “Baby Shark” will remain. Forever.
There I was, at Nationals Park. It was one of those fall evenings on which the air wasn’t just crisp, but extra-crispy. Idyllic. The kind of night in which the pupusas fairly call to you like sirens beckoning sailors to sharp rocks (but the sharp rocks come with salsa verde). The only issue? I am a fan of one of the Washington Nationals‘ division rivals, and Gerardo Parra eventually had to come up to the plate. And that means “Baby Shark.”
Yes, Parra’s choice of walk-up music is the single worst thing in the world that has ever happened. Warlords have been tried at The Hague for less. Unfortunately for baseball fans everywhere, the MLB’s Baby Sharkiest team didn’t just win the 2019 World Series; they’re immortalizing the teeth-gnashingly terrible song via their championship rings.
All the Nats had to do in order to become beloved? Simply not be the cheating Houston Astros, the team they beat in the Fall Classic in the most karmic of moments. Then, they had to go and do a thing like this.
Parra may have already left for Japan to play for the Yomiuiri Giants, but the stain he placed upon baseball forever will now live on for time immemorial.
You may say, “hey, the song is annoying, but it’s not like it hurt anyone!” You would be wrong. I am jerking back and forth in agony as I type this. A team ought to have wide latitude to customize its championship rings in a way that captures their particular energy. But this sharkficiation is a bridge too far, and the generations to come will be forced to reckon with it.