Richard Rodriguez, Pittsburgh Pirates. (Photo by Mark Brown/Getty Images)
The Pittsburgh Pirates stink because Dr. Anthony Fauci is their pitching coach.
Dr. Anthony Fauci is 100 percent moonlighting as the Pittsburgh Pirates‘ pitching coach.
While we’re glad to have baseball back in our lives, nothing stinks to the high heavens more than awful MLB baseball. When your team is atrocious, you are better off watching paint dry than that ghastly monstrosity every summer day. This year, no team has been more pathetically pitiful than the putrid Pittsburgh Pirates. Paging, Dr. Fauci. You’re needed on the pitcher’s mound.
No team was expected to be worse at baseball this year than the dreadful Detroit Tigers…or so we thought. They Motor City Bengals are not terrible — quite the opposite, in fact. The Tigers defeated the Pirates 2-1 on Sunday afternoon to improve to 8-5 on the year. Pittsburgh right-hander Richard Rodriguez stumble to a league-worst 3-13 on the campaign. It’s time to walk the plank.
The Pittsburgh Pirates are coached by the best wild pitch expert in America.
When it comes to being precise and not throwing the baseball anywhere near home plate, we put our faith in America’s leading infectious disease expert. He may have dedicated his life to saving lives, but nobody knows how to put a baseball into the turf faster than Dr. Fauci. Did he instruct Rodriguez to drive his cleat into the mound for the best footing possible? Just a bit outside.
The Pirates will have to sit on that tough 2-1 loss to the Tigers for a while, as they have had their upcoming series with the St. Louis Cardinals postponed due to a coronavirus outbreak on Mike Shildt’s team. At least the Pirates will have plenty of bad tape to look back on regarding their first 16 games of the 60-game, coronavirus-shortened MLB season. Look for the Pirates to be sellers.
It may be the early part of August, but the 2020 MLB season will be over before you know it, Buccos. There have not been many reasons to fly the Jolly Roger of late. While your awesome hockey team is done-zo in the bubble, Big Ben Roethlisberger is back in action for the Stillers. Yinz have the best defense since Troy Polamalu and James Harrison played for y’all, so you never know.
If this pitch by Rodriguez isn’t a microcosm of what American life has been like in 2020, nothing is.