Josh Bell hits a car with his home run, so that should be his car now

Josh Bell gave Pittsburgh Pirates fans something positive to cheer about.

Josh Bell proves you can remain forever excellent while playing on an atrocious baseball team.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are the only team in the big leagues without double-digit wins yet, but thanks to his crushing blast, the Buccos might be able to put 10 victories on the board this season. His two-run tater off Brandon Woodruff of the Milwaukee Brewers wasn’t just a tasty big fly, but it also landed on top of a brand-new car in centerfield. That Toyota now belongs to Bell.

Josh Bell shouldn’t leave Miller Park without the deed to that Toyota.

For those who played America’s pastime in the dog days of summer, there’s nothing quite like hitting a home run off a pitcher and then seeing that baseball explode the windshield of a poor parent’s Toyota Sienna. It’s shameful to drive a minivan as is, but to cruise around in a glorified kiddie tank with a busted face is not a way to go through life, mom and dad. Do better. Be better.

While it is not a cookie and crumb-covered loser cruiser, Bell should refrain from leaving Miller Park on Sunday afternoon without the deed to that fine Japanese automobile. Who cares about winning games when you can win a new car! It’d be a total power move for Bell to demand the Brewers organization pay for the damages he made to that SUV. There are no other logical options here.

Should Bell be traded from the cellar-dwelling cellar Pirates to a newfound contender, he better have that sweet new ride he earned off Woodruff’s offering waiting for him at his new home stadium. It doesn’t matter where in the country it is, that baseball landed on that car and therefore, by the laws of the transitive property, that fine, fine automobile now belongs to him.

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This year, the Pirates got no hit by Lucas Giolito and couldn’t even figure out how to throw the ball off the mound correctly vs. the Tigers. You can thank their new pitching coach Dr. Anthony Fauci for that. While all of Pittsburgh has prepared for the upcoming Stillers season, Bell needs to drive that Toyota dahntahn for all yinz to see, dented with a busted windshield and all. It’s glorious.

Feel free to watch the lone Pirates’ highlight worth watching from their 2020 season on repeat.

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