Julio Rodriguez, Seattle Mariners. (Photo by Denis Poroy/Getty Images)
Elly De La Cruz having a blast with the Cincinnati Reds definitely made baseball fun this week.
Baseball is better when MLB teams that can stink like the Cincinnati Reds are no longer tire fires.
I don’t know much about Elly De La Cruz other than he has had a great start to this big-league career for the Red Legs. For most of my adult life, Cincinnati has been about the Bengals being cheap, the Reds being irrelevant and the Bearcats trying to get back into the Power Five. The Queen City hit rock bottom with the death our of dear friend Harambe some seven years ago…
I didn’t think things could have gotten worse than a future Alabama senator telling people to go hell or get a job after a simply delightful 4-8 campaign, but here we are. I mean, look at us now! Joe Burrow is the freaking Geauxt! The Reds may not leave Cincinnati because they have good players now. Luke Fickell may have left for Wisconsin, but I am all for shorting Scott Satterfield.
In short, it’s not a bad time to be a Cincinnati sports fan. The collective fanbase had been down bad, you know, the type that gets Mistaken for Strangers by their own friends. I Should Live in Salt for not remembering your name. To be fair, we’re all half awake in a Fake Empire. As I put my diamond slippers on, tell me to Shut Up and Dance with you, even though Trouble Will Find Us…
As I recreate The Ickey Shuffle, Sorrow found me when I was young in the form of David Klingler. You better believe I am spiking the finest of cold cuts Kroger bequeathed to me because Cincinnati is all the way back. And this stupid four-page slideshow probably belongs to the Reds!
Don’t abandon me or these segments like you once did with your subway system
Hot cleats, Gatorade baths: Julio Rodriguez with a trident should be the new MLB logo, to be honest
When thoughts arrive like butterflies, you experience Even Flow in the form of something great. Long gone are the days that the Seattle Mariners have to rest their heads on pillows made of concrete. They have the best thing to happen to Seattle since Kurt Cobain, Ken Griffey Jr., at least Ben Gibbard, and quite possibly since Microsoft or Starbucks, in Julio Rodriguez. He is a merman!
Since people don’t remember Harmon Killebrew all that much anymore, I suggest replacing his likeness as the MLB logo with J-Rod holding a golden trident like he is King Triton or Brick Tamland.
Loud noises be damned, I’m digging this new Seattle sound, dawg. The Sound of Settling was not that great, to be honest. We largely Fell on Black Days because of it. I mean, if I could, Would you? Now that the M’s have something as tasty as The Kid, The Big Unit or A-Rod in the form of J-Rod, he should be able to do whatever he wants with that trident. You can’t find a Better Man than this.
Let’s be real. If you can name a hockey team after an allegedly fictitious sea monster beast, then I think we can make exceptions for exceptional people like Rodriguez to brandish props inside of the stadiums they combat in. Even if he left Washington State, we need to forever swing our sword to honor of The Spirit of The Pirate Mike Leach. I wish we could hear what he’d say about the trident.
It may not be a cowbell or a Jolly Roger, but I think tridents are as good for baseball as are the bats.
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